My Sweet Husband.

Well, Steve and I have both been so busy lately with school, and with Christmas quickly approaching, we just have not had much "together" time for just the two of us. Instead of going to our church Christmas dinner tonight, we decided to spend the day alone. It was so nice! We went to sushi after church, went home and took a little nappy, went to a movie and now we are just relaxing. It was great to talk, hold hands and just generally love each other.

We are both in separate rooms now, Steve is preparing his sermon for next week and I am studying for a test. I know he is near and that is all that matters. :) We both get up from what we are doing periodically to "visit" one another, which is always entertaining because we are goofy.

I guess my point to all of this is, that it is nice every once in a while to take some time away from the hustle and bustle of life and enjoy each other, away from a "crowd" of people. It is so encouraging to me that we still enjoy each other and love each other just as much, probably more, than when we first met.

Off to visit my sweet pea.

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving! We have much to be thankful for today. The Lord has truly blessed us and we have seen so much in this past year. We have been moved from comfortable places, we have been stretched beyond what we can imagine and we have truly been led to cling only to Jesus this past year. He has been good!

No Regrets!

Today was one of those days where things from my past just crept up and I began to feel a little down. I quickly realized that I was beginning to have regrets for bad decisions, wrong paths and crazy things I did when I was younger. I often ponder whether or not I have any regrets in life and today was one of those days. Here is my answer: No, absolutely not. No regrets. I am not proud of things I did in my past, but I would not be who I am today had it not been for those bad decisions, wrong paths and crazy things. I walked away from the Lord for a few years and chose things that He would not have chosen for me, but I came home and He took me back. I learned a lot through those times. I became a stronger person. I walked back into the arms of my loving Savior who has been so gracious to me. If I had regrets, I may not be where I am today. I am thankful that I endured many things in life to bring me back to my God. I am humbled by the fact that my Father chose me and loves me despite my inadequacies.

Remembering Those We Love.

One of my dearest friends (Mindy) lost her father to early onset Alzheimers on November 4th. Today I attended the memorial for him and I walked away feeling so encouraged. Roy was a true example of how we are to live our lives for our Lord. He put his relationship with Christ ahead of all else and by doing this, his marriage, relationships with his children, friendships and work fell right into place. Not to say that he and his family did not have bumps along the road as anyone does, but he truly lived his life for Christ-to the fullest.

I remember when we were young, they were my second family and Roy and Georgia treated me as though I were another child of theirs (because I was always at their house spending the night with Melinda). I look back at the impact that his leadership of his family and of his "church" had on me and my life. Thank you for your love, your encouragement and your faithfulness.

Uncle Ro Ro you were an incredible man of God and I will miss you!

I'm Adopted, I'm Chosen, I bear my Father's Name...

I have a dear friend of mine who has struggled with infertility along with several us, but for a much more extended amount of time. Over the past ten years, she has had seven failed intrauterine inseminations, two failed in-vitro fertilizations, a miscarriage, three surgeries and various other alternative forms to natural childbirth. At the beginning of the year, they began their journey to adopt a child. They were approved in July of this year and were just matched a few weeks ago. The baby was due to be taken via cesarean section on November 24. However, due to complications, the baby will arrive tomorrow.

I spent some time this evening with my friend. She is so excited and so anxious at the same time. You see, there is a three day waiting period for the birth mother to change her mind on whether or not she wants to proceed with the adoption. I understand my friend's anxieties. I am sure I would feel the same way she is feeling, given the circumstances. However, I wanted her to see an outsider's viewpoint, someone who is not emotionally involved. You see, she does not want to take the baby home until the three days has passed. She is protecting herself from potential hurt. I first asked her if she wanted the baby to stay with the birth mother for those three days in the hospital . I then asked her if she would look back when she gets to take this baby as her own and regret not spending the first three days of his life with him. Then I asked her if she prayed about it. She responded that she had contemplated all the scenarios, but had not really sat down to pray about how the Lord may be specifically directing her in this difficult situation. I pointed out to her in life we try to hold on to control, to do things our own way, most of the time the easy way. I explained that the Lord may be trying to use her, to stretch her in this particular circumstance, that He may want her to let go of control and take a step of faith towards Him.

She asked me what I would do. I told her that I was unsure, but that more than likely, I would not have done anything different. I explained that we are very much alike and that both of our husbands compliment our personalities. She agreed. Her husband wants to bring their baby home to begin their new life, their new family.

I cannot say I would do anything different that she has done or will do. I do not think she has done anything wrong or that whatever decision she makes will be the right/wrong decision. I just hope that when life gets rough and I do everything in my power to protect myself from the hurts of the world, I will be as strong and as courageous as she is and has been for many years. She is a great and godly woman. She truly has a heart for Jesus.

Friendship or Convenience?

I need to vent a little. Have you ever met those people who just suck the life right out of you? I know you have, just as I have. Well, I have been thinking lately and I just cannot do it much more. Not that I do not love people and love to be a great friend and listener, but there is a point to which one is not just being a friend or listener anymore. It is no longer a friendship (and maybe it never was) and all you do is listen and give advice and listen and give advice. Not that doing those things are bad, it is just that if that is all you are ever doing, is it in actuality a friendship at all? No, I do not think so.

Friendships are give and take. They love, encourage, trust and equally do all of these "jobs." As my Mom has said in the past, I have always been a "great" friend to those around me and when younger, made friends fairly easily. As I have grown older, I am more introverted than extroverted so I am cautious with whom I call "friend." However, if you are a friend, you are a friend until the end, typically. Lately, I have been struggling with feeling as though I am a friend of convenience to several people. I am only called upon if they need me to do something for them or are upset and need to talk or have exhausted all other avenues and I just so happen to be available. Like I said, I typically would not have an issue with this, but after this occurence becomes more frequent and over a extended amount of time, I am becoming tired. Tired of being used.

I try to look at how the Lord might use me during these "conveniences" (my alternative word to friendship) and I certainly know He can use me. I really want to hang on to these people because I truly care for them (sometimes to my detriment), but there is no relationship there, no mutual respect, no common goal. What to do? In my passive nature, I allow it to happen...I do not set boundaries...I am a floor mat in the lives of some.

So, now that I have verbally vomited in my blog, I will now take action. I will continue to allow the Lord to bring those into my life who I can call my friend, but I will set boundaries. I will be assertive in my friendships and no longer be a door mat (passive in my interpretation). I physically and emotionally cannot do it any longer. It is giving the man downstairs a stronghold on me (not good) and causing me much angst. I will always have a good ear, deeply love those who I have been blessed to call friend and care for those who the Lord has allowed me to cross paths with, but I believe relationships are meant to compliment either party and they have responsibilities for each. I just cannot bear the weight of all the responsibilities in a relationship any longer.

For those who know me best, you know exactly what I am talking about. For those who know me well, you will generally understand how and why I feel this way. For those who barely know me and may thinks this is harsh or odd, do not judge unless you have been in my shoes. For those who do not know me...well just absorb my thoughts and ponder them.

2008 Presidential Election

I am not a big fan of politics, however, I have my opinions and try to see and understand the perspectives of those who do not agree with me. In light of the ongoing election, I wanted to post this e-mail I received today. I do not know who wrote it, so I cannot give kudos to them, but it is great and sincerely expresses my heart's desire for all to know throughout this important election.

Ten Truths No Matter Who Wins the Election:

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.
6. There will still be singing of praise to God.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost.

It is great to know who is in control! (My Jesus, My Savior)

Trust that Lord has a plan already in place for our nation.

To Say Something Nice or Nothing at All

I guess I have had a rough day. I must preface this blog with the fact that I am a fairly sensitive person, but I have learned that there are people we cross paths with in life that are very insensitive. I was always told that if I could not say something nice, to say nothing at all. I have not always lived by this rule, however, I truly try to watch what I say.

I will not get in to specific details, but a girl in one of my classes basically criticized me for being a proactive student and truly doing everything in my power to succeed in these pre-nursing courses. She made some specific and pointed comments about my interactions with a professor and elaborated on a remark made by this professor that was directed toward me. The remark made by the professor, in essence, was pointing out how dilligent I was in the class and how I kept meticulous notes on everything that was mentioned.

So, I was really hot over this whole situation. I said some things in anger that I wish I would not have (outside the presence of this girl) and began to justify myself to some girlfriends of mine who take classes with me.

My justification is that I quit a great paying job to go to school for a career in nursing. I quit my job in May, after Steve and I spent many months praying and trying to create a roadmap of our finances for the next several years. After we prayed and truly felt that the Lord led us to this decision, I decided that I needed to put my whole being into school and truly do the best that I could possibly do. I did not leave a job to live on one income and barely slide by with a "C" in school. If that were the case, I would have continued working and gone to school part time.

I guess my outlook on this situation that occurred today is not so much that I was hurt, but more about the fact that I am being all that I can be as a student. As a paralegal, I did everything I could to glorify the Lord, and as a student, I believe the same applies.

In everything I do, I will glorify Him. I make mistakes, I say things I should not, I think things I should not, but I truly try to live for Him. When someone tries to steal your joy, it is hurtful. So, "say something nice, or say nothing at all."

James 3:10
Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.

Karma or Grace?

In church yesterday, the pastor was talking about how karma is so frequently used in our society today, whether one is buddhist (where karma originated from) or not. He was pointing out that people commonly say, "what goes around comes around," and that this saying is directly related to karma.

I have never really fully grasped karma, believed it, studied it, or verbalized it (to my knowledge). I have been on a message board that allows you to give and take away karma points to which I have done both, but never really pondered what it meant. After today's message though, I have really been thinking about it, if we believe in karma, we do not necessarily believe in Grace, do we?

As Christians, we believe in God, we believe he sent His Son to die for us, we have accepted Him into our lives and now have the Holy Spirit within us. His Grace has saved us, covered us, forgiven our sins, set us free. Grace is extended to all people, so karma really does not fit into God's Grace.

So, when someone cuts you off in traffic, makes you angry by doing or saying something to you, God's Grace will cover them, just as it has covered you. We are all extended this Grace.

Karma does not exist if you believe in Grace.