Friendship or Convenience?

I need to vent a little. Have you ever met those people who just suck the life right out of you? I know you have, just as I have. Well, I have been thinking lately and I just cannot do it much more. Not that I do not love people and love to be a great friend and listener, but there is a point to which one is not just being a friend or listener anymore. It is no longer a friendship (and maybe it never was) and all you do is listen and give advice and listen and give advice. Not that doing those things are bad, it is just that if that is all you are ever doing, is it in actuality a friendship at all? No, I do not think so.

Friendships are give and take. They love, encourage, trust and equally do all of these "jobs." As my Mom has said in the past, I have always been a "great" friend to those around me and when younger, made friends fairly easily. As I have grown older, I am more introverted than extroverted so I am cautious with whom I call "friend." However, if you are a friend, you are a friend until the end, typically. Lately, I have been struggling with feeling as though I am a friend of convenience to several people. I am only called upon if they need me to do something for them or are upset and need to talk or have exhausted all other avenues and I just so happen to be available. Like I said, I typically would not have an issue with this, but after this occurence becomes more frequent and over a extended amount of time, I am becoming tired. Tired of being used.

I try to look at how the Lord might use me during these "conveniences" (my alternative word to friendship) and I certainly know He can use me. I really want to hang on to these people because I truly care for them (sometimes to my detriment), but there is no relationship there, no mutual respect, no common goal. What to do? In my passive nature, I allow it to happen...I do not set boundaries...I am a floor mat in the lives of some.

So, now that I have verbally vomited in my blog, I will now take action. I will continue to allow the Lord to bring those into my life who I can call my friend, but I will set boundaries. I will be assertive in my friendships and no longer be a door mat (passive in my interpretation). I physically and emotionally cannot do it any longer. It is giving the man downstairs a stronghold on me (not good) and causing me much angst. I will always have a good ear, deeply love those who I have been blessed to call friend and care for those who the Lord has allowed me to cross paths with, but I believe relationships are meant to compliment either party and they have responsibilities for each. I just cannot bear the weight of all the responsibilities in a relationship any longer.

For those who know me best, you know exactly what I am talking about. For those who know me well, you will generally understand how and why I feel this way. For those who barely know me and may thinks this is harsh or odd, do not judge unless you have been in my shoes. For those who do not know me...well just absorb my thoughts and ponder them.